I am writing this post from a concert...or is it a rally...or is it a Hindi ceremony? I know you are wondering what on earth I am doing writing from such a place. But the truth is that I'm in my bed and the concert, rally, ceremony thing is in my ROOM. There is a mad man outside screaming into a microphone that is so loud that there is a possibility traces of the sound waves may be reaching people in Honolulu by now. A few weeks ago His Holiness the Dalai Lama was here. I am staying near the grounds where He taught. I think someone forgot to remove the sound system and a crazy Hindi man is in the grounds and has been screaming into a microphone at the top of his lungs since 6 o'clock this evening. It is now 1.45...in...the...morning! Oh please stop. He has so much reverb on the mic that he sounds like a Neanderthal in a cave. Perhaps it would be better if he were. Surely some kind person would have come and smacked him over the head with their club by now. The sound is completely distorted because he is yelling so loudly that it sounds like 'meaaahhh....yeeeahbusshhhiaaaa...amisheeea...aaahhhmihaaaa....yeeeeaaaaaaarrr...." on and on and on. I am quite some way from the grounds and still the sound is booming throughout my room. Oh PLEASE stop. I might actually be sick from noise pollution. Is that possible? I FEEL sick. I could be dying. That's a definite possibility. Killed by the sound of a crazy Indian man's voice. See the thing I haven't told you yet is that in between raves this guy is also singing at the top of his voice. I swear he sounds like Yoko Ono on acid...played backwards...in Hindi. He is being accompanied by a piano accordion, of all things, that seems to be playing in either a different key from him or a different song altogether and someone is bashing on a drum in the same out of time manner that stoned buskers with dreadlocks at the side of the road in Byron Bay do. OH please stop.
Its 2.30am. There seems to be no end in sight. Oh please STOP. I am becoming delirious. He has the lung capacity and stamina of Lance Armstrong. Oh my god, I hear clapping, applause. Oh please tell me it is recorded and no one is actually in front of him, egging him on. The only possibility if they are real people is that they have had their ears amputated. Or their brains have gone into overload and they are actually in a clapping trance. No one in their right mind would choose to be on the same continent as this guy let alone be his groupie! And it is now getting worse if that is possible. Somehow he seems to have enlisted Wing, the completely out of tune Chinese singer from New Zealand who was made into a superstar when she was turned into a cartoon character and featured in an episode of South Park, and she is now singing just as loudly and badly in what sounds like Chinese. Oh PLEASE STOP. Imagine if they sing a duet!
It's 3.30am. My ear drums have separated from my body. I have relinquished them like a pair of worn out shoes. I have gone into some sort of coma. I feel like a 15 year old at a Mooney convention. All resistance has gone. I've lost it. There is only one option left... I've started singing along.
